Ugh

This is the worst new years of my life. Like no joke. FUCK i hate this shit. Wake up after not sleeping till 7am cause im freaking out about leaving. Was haveing and okay day till my moms back started hurting , i tried hitting her back and massageing it. But i guess it was something more serious. I went out with my friend for a bit and it was going all good but then they call me and say she went to the hospital. So im here babysitting. Then they tell me those stupid mother fucking doctors dont know whats wrong but they took test. Seriousley 8 hours in the hospital and they didnt figure shit out ! UGFDJISD im usually a strong person but i cant handel this shit. I just wanted to have fun. But here i am crying. This isnt fair , my whole fucking life isnt fair. AND PEOPLE HAVE THE NERVE TO TELL ME SHIT AND TRY SAYING ITS ME OR THAT GOD WILL HELP US AND ME. Bull shit . Everything i ever worked my ass for i got. Everything thats ever happened i receieved. the people in my life i chose. Shits thats happened to me happened to me. I take credit for my own life not put it on god. Excuse me if i offend someone but thats my belief. Im just hate this i hate this i hate this. I should have went out with my friends , i should not even be here, i should have left to the fucking army in september instead of punishing myself every day that i have left.

The strong person has broke. My smiles gone and if this is any indication of how the new years gonna be then im fucked. Good fucking bye 2009 the only thing i thank you for was all the incredible people i met,got close to, or had a chance to call my friends. Graduation,getting a job(s),enlisting and my friends have been my highlights.

sigh in some weird way i feel better. its hard haveing no one to talk to and vent all this out too..

@2 years ago